Because we like to travel
and we're already in debt.
Because we're really busy
with other things to do.
Because sleep is something
we don't want to give up.
Because we can't even keep
a plant alive.
Because we work late,
and our careers come first.
Because we felt the urge
in different years.
Because we can't agree
whose turn it is to feed the dog.
Because I remember the screaming
and it might be what I'd do.
Because we like to help out friends
by taking them off their hands --
as long as we can give them back
at the end of the day.
Because we can't see further
than two months down the road.
Because we don't always live
in the same city.
Because we still have time
if we change our minds.
4 comments:
Wow, I can COMPLETELY relate to this! (Gives me a few new excuses/reasons to add to the arsenal I use -- often with myself.)
I'd like to see even more detail here. What kind of plant? What's the dog's name? What kind of work keeps you late? Etc. I think the second stanza, especially, needs some definition.
oh yes, well done.
the only thing that sticks out for me, is the past tense of stanza 6. While this may be intentional, putting it into the present tense will reinforce the feelings of ambiguity.
Oh, I agree with SMS on stanza 6.
I also like the sharpness of stanza 8...
I like how the poem has both the flip things that we all say/said to the more honest flinty things, the things the narrator is afraid to say.
But, being me, I want a bit more flint. I want squirm, blood and guts.
Polly
i like what you're trying to do here. i especially like "because we can't see farther than two months down the road", the dog and the plant one, and the last one.
i agree with ariel about wanting more honest specifics. i would suggest paring back some of the more general statements, and adding some more quirky ones.
also the title leads me to try and group the statements into a logic. pick any three to justify what? i read relationship stuff into this poem, these excuses. that focus isn't fully there, but looking for the what implied by the title, that's where i go. is that the desired intent?
also i wonder about the form. have you tried this as one stanza. it would pick up a lot more momentum. just one idea. keep at this. i think it will strike with a lot of people.
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