I love the sound and rhythms in the first two stanzas! You've really captured this moment. I also love the image of "press our faces to the window of the room they've made."
I wonder about if away from the open is needed? Also wonder about a tattooed woman ... maybe push the image a bit? Orbits a hoop around her hips? Also, I feel like the third stanza could be tightened just a bit.
2 comments:
Hi Joanne,
I love the sound and rhythms in the first two stanzas! You've really captured this moment. I also love the image of "press our faces to the window of the room they've made."
I wonder about if away from the open is needed? Also wonder about a tattooed woman ... maybe push the image a bit? Orbits a hoop around her hips? Also, I feel like the third stanza could be tightened just a bit.
It's finally spring!!
"Orbits," yes! Thanks! I was looking for another "round" word that would be a bit more interesting.
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