Sunday, May 27, 2012

The Characters

Bartender: teastained with a battered cricket bat and a bitter backstory. If he was a tarot card, he would be drawn from the minor arcana. You'd never know him from a bush full of starlings, a tree without leaves, a burnt-off stump. Head bent to the side, eyes sharp, he listens like a stone. In his wallet, folded banknote with a phone number, creased photo of the son he'll never know, recipe for misery stew. Ask him about the tattoo he had removed. Ask him about the scar above his eye. Don't ask him to run a tab unless you want to see the cricket bat. Never ask for advice, or his backstory: distant constellations shed more light.

Patrons: Male. Typecast. Not unfriendly. Hardly welcoming. They don't look up when you come in. Undercurrent of laughter, whirlpool of rage. Vague menace like a shark's fin in a swimming pool, you think it's a joke until you see the blood.

Protaganist: he or she is just like everyone else. But completely different. The only lightbulb on the ornate ceiling fan. What sheds the light. Fades or breaks. Is eventually replaced by another, dimmer or brighter. Or maybe that sad and metallic spike -- sharpened and thrust -- to pinion the story together. One sighs, fits awl.

Antagonist: the opposite of antonym. The moment before the lightning strike or thunderclap. The moment after. The shape of a shadow thrown by a single blade of grass on a moonlit night in a barren field, only magnified significantly and then reduced to half normal size. Whatever you fear most, only moreso but considerably less than anticipated. The lion and the gazelle. You.

2 comments:

Polly said...

Some fun turns of phrase and descriptions. I laughed at "Don't ask him to run a tab..." for example.

A few distractions though... I would omit "one sighs... " and maybe make a choice between 'just like everyone else' and 'completely different.'

Joanne Epp said...

I agree about "one sighs, fits awl"-- it detracts from the strong line just before it.

In the last section, I'd omit "significantly" because it's rather long and it's an over-used word (pet peeve here)."Whatever you fear most" etc. : feels a bit wordy, although I like the idea of it.

In the first sentence there is a lot of alliteration; I might get rid of one or two B's. Great characterization of the bartender, though. "Teastained," and "a bush full of starlings," very nice.