We need a machine
to tell us if you love me
as much as I love you.
To calculate
what could go wrong
and when
and maybe even why.
So I can anticipate
regulate
mitigate
brace myself
for your inevitable departure.
===
Will comment on others' posts this weekend!
5 comments:
I really like the conciseness of this. It does a nice job of communicating the intensity of the speaker's love and also anxiety.
I wondered, in the second-last line, if there's a word that could stand in for "brace myself"-- something a bit more distancing, like "regulate/ mitigate" in the previous lines-- because it feels like the speakers is already distancing herself from her lover, in a way.
Impressive economy of words. Maybe even "inevitable" is unnecessary?
I like this, though it's sad...
nice and tight.
Have you tried 'I' need... to tell 'me'? I think it might give more immediacy to the request.
I like the spareness of it and that the machine is to tell ‘us’ not ‘me.’ It is sad, that departure is inevitable, then really the machine is not needed?
I like the machinery of this piece which matches form with content Polly! :)
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