Easter Sunday
The goose that laid the egg
lies flattened on the flat
gravelled ledge overhanging the
door to the building.
A hard bed for birth. The
gander stakes out space
in the featureless parking lot
from where he guards
goose and egg. The shining oval
is not golden;
it is white and large and holds
within its fragile skin
the future. The door opens: Two
children and a senior
with the slow pace of
Parkinsons come through
and do not see the goose that laid the egg.
The gander, worried, will keep
watch until
the eggs break open the way morning
breaks
through darkness and reveals to
all (children,
dreaming chocolate eggs, unsteady
seniors,
all anxious geese) the first gold streaks of day
2 comments:
I love "it holds within its fragile skin the future" juxtaposed with the children and senior.
I suggest dropping the comma between "children" and "dreaming" for readability. I think Parkinson's has an apostrophe.
The word "flattened" tripped me up. I thought the goose was dead, but then wondered how the egg could have escaped damage. Now I'm not sure.
The non-golden egg (a reference to Jack and the Beanstalk?) revealing "the first gold streaks of day" - lovely.
Maybe "flattens herself" in line 1? You're talking about how she sort of spreads her body over the egg, I think?
In that same line, I'd consider deleting "flat"--not sure the repetition adds enough. I'd also suggest changing the first instance of "senior" to "man" or "woman." "Senior" feels rather euphemistic, although I know it's become common by now.
Yes, the egg's hatching being compared to morning--lovely. The lines "The shining oval is not golden; it…holds within its fragile skin the future" bring out the importance and significance of often-overlooked things.
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