One week of
a mother’s fingers pressed
to warm
glass. A single moment eye to eye.
Aspirated meconium sounds almost
musical, as
if with his first breathhe shook a sky of brass.
The morning she leaves
with empty hands, the oaks weep
themselves dry in her hair.
5 comments:
I don't feel there's anything to be said, for it's tiny and perfect as a newborn.
Maybe "A single moment" is too cliche/over-determined.
The rest is all lovely and heartbreaking and so I guess I'd like that phrase to moreso match that intensity, grief, that musical sky of brass, the oaks weeping themselves dry.
Actually, "tears in heaven" makes me think of Eric Clapton's song, I don't know if that's intentional as an invocation or not...that baby went through a window in a skyscraper. May be the same as the "single moment" phrase, up to you.
The title invokes another story much too strongly for me. I have trouble with your titles, don`t I?
I think `for E.`might work (?)
The poem: wow.
I'm presently transcribing E.R. Peri-Mortem C's, so it's that much more pertinent to me, seen from the eyes of the doctors.
I especially love /the oaks weep/themselves dry in her hair./
I don't like this title either. It was a last minute filler. I need the "for E" as an epigraph to match the others in the collection, so that can't be the title. I wanted a title with another aspect of nature responding to the event like "And the pigeons cooed," "And a robin landed beside her," etc.
Yes. Lovely and heartbreaking, especially that first line.
Maybe for an alternate title you could use some other kind of reference to the sky (empty sky? or something).
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