He takes them
but doesn't believe her
She could have taken them anytime
to that shop down the street
that sells nuts and bolts
and copies keys
She could have a set stowed away
in these bags she's taking
held together by a piece of yarn
or a garbage bag tie
or even slipped onto that new ring
of keys she carries around
She could come back one night
jump on a bus or drive back the car
unlock the door while he's sleeping
and slip in beside him
as if she never left
4 comments:
Very poignant, Miss P. Its my favourite of the 'leave the bastard' series so far...
A few quibbles: Are the bags held together by yarn/garbage bag ties or it is the set of keys?
Also, I'm not sure "drive back the car" completely works...it's a bit awkward for me. I don't like "drive the car" (which was my original suggestion) because you lose the fact that the car is returning, that it was their car...
Anyways, good stuff.
I wonder about changing the verb tense in the last stanza so that rather than future tense the action is right now? The action could be simply in her mind.
"She comes back one night
by bus or car
unlocks the door while he's sleeping
and slips in beside him
as if she never left"
Polly,
Great poem. Like the suspense, the implied harm, that gets subverted in the last line. Ouch.
Agree with Ariel's and Tracy's asute comments. I have only cheers these days. My critical facilities are on holiday.
astute! apparently my spelling capabilities are busy having happy hour, while i try and finish up the first draft of my thesis.
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