Bouquet of balloons in the back seat.
You swat, adding fingerprints
to the latex covering drifting fists
of noble gas. In the rearview I get glimpses of road,
your heated cheeks, the cars nudging
the few feet between us
at the lights. I don’t ever expect more
than glimpses. How we both got a mouthful
of crabapple pulp today when all you were after
was a single bloom. How you substituted dandelion
for daisy when the oldest charm
rattled through your head: She loves me,
she loves me NOT. And started shedding yellow.
Lately, you’ve relied on I didn’t mean to...
Which means everything I own shredded,
everything I own fragile. Like a balloon
floating into the front seat, static
electricity
a stranger’s kiss.
4 comments:
Hi Ariel,
Great sounds here, especially in the opening few lines.
Wonder about comma after latex covering (but you know how I like to punctuate).
Love "I don't ever expect more/ than glimpses" and heated cheeks and everything I own fragile" Great repetition in this piece.
The shift at the end from the parent/kid relationship to the stranger's kiss took me a couple reads. I think it's close, but might need a tiny tiny bit more. Maybe contact/shock between balloon and driver, maybe punctuation "electricity -- a stranger's kiss."
Good one!
Thanks for this, Bren. I struggled with the last few lines...but it was 2 am and so decided to post it anyways.
I really like this moment in time and I think you've captured the sense of both confinement and possibility of the situation within situation. There's one image of the balloons that didn't fit for me: "drifting fists of noble gas" (though I admit that "drifting fists" sounds lovely!)
Also, I get a creep-out vibe from a stranger's kiss in a poem about a little kiddy. Just sayin'.
Yeah, I also stumbled a bit over the stranger's kiss at the end. It seemed to begin a different direction. Maybe you could keep the balloon reference at the end but play on the idea of fragility?
I really like the lines beginning with "Lately..." "everything I own fragile"- Yes. My kids are bigger now, but still- Yes.
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