My front row seat
Why
didn’t you warn me there was something very wrong with your son? – Kindergarten
teacher
In dad’s tie, hair slicked, you stand taller
than fear, take centre stage, shoulder to shoulder
with boys you can name and girls
you may or may not have noticed yet,
eighth grade teacher gives you thumbs up
and voices from our past pile up inside me
the
worst case...not able…no reason to believe
…locked
room where he’ll be safe
but thin words can’t fill my mind
like your eyes meeting mine,
you wink and say
your first line
2 comments:
Angeline: I like that you started this poem with a quote from the teacher as the setup to the observations.
I also really like the beginning and the ending. The only place I sort of stumbled/gave pause was "thin words can't fill my mind" and I really like thin words so I think it's the last 4 words that could possibly be reworked?
I love that he winks. This is a wonderful moment of triumph to capture, and juxtaposition with the doubts and the nay-sayers. :)
i liked the wink, too.
I'd condense the line about girls slightly-- maybe "and girls you may not have noticed yet."
I like the way you use fragments of the voices from the past- just enough that the reader can easily guess at the rest.
The other bit I wondered about was the voices piling up-- wasn't sure that metaphor worked. (I'm trying to think of an alternate suggestion but it's 10 pm and my brain has shut down...)
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