driving a midnight street was never so frantic
window unrolled, summer asphalt hissing she's gone she's gone
potholes thumping your father's dead in a ditch
my heart an arrow in a broken bow unable
to knot the gut string that had been cut
your brother on foot certain he could find you first
(we were all still too scared of the police to call them)
this was a time before cell phones
a time after the implosions that had rocked us
(you the one who hid behind the couch when it got bad)
dawn came on weary and grey
and I think I might have briefly slept, or dreamt I did
then began the phone calls, I even started to make a poster
as if you were a lost cat and a tear-off number
could return you. this was the first rip of many tears.
like a lost cat you
came back when you wanted to.
years later you told me how that first night
you'd slept on the riverbank within sight
of a bush party, certain you were safe.
ever since that night, I've doubted
all certainties.
3 comments:
Great poem, and especially the first stanza, that rhythm really gives a feeling of urgency. Among other things I like the line "...might have briefly slept, or dreamt I did" for the way it pictures the speaker's preoccupation, and the analogy of the lost cat is really good.
Although I liked the line "a time after the implosions..." I wasn't sure about the two explanatory lines just before that. I like the "before" and "after" rhythm but wasn't sure you need the line about cell phones. And the line about the police feels a bit wordy.
I like the asphalt hissing, the broken bow, the sure brother on foot, the first rip (could cut of many tears).
I too love the line "might have briefly slept, or dreamt I did" and the lost cat.
The fear of the police adds to the intensity without over-explaining and could easily be tightened to "still too scared of police to call." "The implosions" felt a little too vague for me. Who's imploding?
At first my eye didn't catch the italics, and I read, thumping "Your father's dead in a ditch."
You could end on "certain you were safe." It contrasts so well the naivety and carelessness of youth with the frantic activity of the family (and with reality).
The restrained tone of the whole works so, so well.
I actually like the reference to the cell phone as it really places us in a time where all of this is more frightening. At least that is what we tell ourselves. I lost two brothers as teenagers (before cell phones and one was a runaway who came home in a box) and so when my son was a teenager the cell phone brought me comfort. Ridiculous I know... so in the poem it adds to the "unable to reach someone" factor.
The reference to the lost cats, the poster and the tear-off number is so very touching.
And I have to say I liked the last two lines.... but then I have a tendency to wrap things up neat and tidy. My writing mentor often says we need to trust the reader. Far be it for me as inexperienced as I am to disagree but in this case I do. I felt the weight of those words through my whole body.
"ever since that night, I've doubted
all certainties."
Thank you... this piece really touched my heart. Interesting to read everyone's comments. Clearly our personal experience engages with each piece and we take it where we take it.
p.s. "Your father's dead in a ditch" landed deeply inside as well.
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