"Competing signs proliferate" strikes me as more academic sounding than what surrounds it.
I like the way the past and future are visible in the present: the tumbling, blowing, and preserving of winter, leading into a vision of what will happen tomorrow.
I remember this! I like it even more, whether that's time or craft I have no idea :)
Can you lose some "the's" without issue? What about dull as pavement slopes along the city creek, dry with last year's cattails. Hm, no. But something. DEFINITEY you can lose the before yellowed grasses, and before advertisement in stanza two.
That's really all I've got, it's very visual and I like the verbs. Can they push back , redraw the boundaries for another year (more active verbing :) ?)
2 comments:
The first stanza is so vivid!
"Competing signs proliferate" strikes me as more academic sounding than what surrounds it.
I like the way the past and future are visible in the present: the tumbling, blowing, and preserving of winter, leading into a vision of what will happen tomorrow.
I remember this! I like it even more, whether that's time or craft I have no idea :)
Can you lose some "the's" without issue? What about dull as pavement slopes along the city creek, dry with last year's cattails. Hm, no. But something. DEFINITEY you can lose the before yellowed grasses, and before advertisement in stanza two.
That's really all I've got, it's very visual and I like the verbs. Can they push back , redraw the boundaries for another year (more active verbing :) ?)
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