Slumber Party
Bouquets of peonies are overnighting
in my home, houseguests
in shades of pink-tipped white,
some sporting big winey heads.
Others are balls of pale innocence
hiding smears of red
in random places
like butcher’s children
unaware of what’s been cut.
Fragile balls of petals fluttering
in open windowed rooms,
the odd crowd overflows
from blue glass vases,
a small collection.
The yellow Fiesta pitcher
and one burgundy clay vessel
were pressed into service
for their spacious accommodations.
Canning jars
show linear
green stems
in still water,
vertical reminders
of the rootless state
my blooming friends
find themselves experiencing.
Tonight I can only
offer them another drink
and lie about the prognosis.
I won’t know their names
‘til I find books with their pictures –
too late I fear,
to share with my nodding quests—
all handsome
as Marie Antoinette
before that cake remark.
4 comments:
Hey Myra,
The first stanza nearly tips me over...and this effect continues until "the odd crowd overflows." Unfortunately, the rest of the second stanza is less interesting to me, feeling like a laundry list instead of a poem.
The third stanza is also sort of underwhelming for me, partly because of the extremely short lines.
And though I might combine the last several couplets into one stanza, it is as fresh and interesting as the first one and a a half.
Thanks for this!
Thanks Ariel. I felt some of the same, but can't get back in to edit once I've posted, even as a preview or draft! So I take these comments back to my copy in Word for further work.
The line breaks were rushed, as often happens when I don't start writing until after 11PM.
Poetic proscrastinatino pays the price.
So I'll do more work on this one.
Ah, the peony. I liked the houseguest attitude you convey in the poem--the peony as secondary in a way. I tend to agree with Ariel about form though--the 3rd stanza esp. appears to narrow and breaks the eye as well as the ear. I must admit though that I really liked this stanza: "Tonight I can only/
offer them another drink/
and lie about the prognosis". My mind went with it, and went with it.
I too like the first stanza and would trim the second and third, though not "the linear green stems in still water"-like that. LOVE LOVE the fourth stanza and would like to see that moved up to after or very near "like butcher's children/ unaware of what's been cut." Great play with title.
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