love this -- the way you've captured the silence, futility. I actually almost missed the last line and thought how strong the ending was (at boat) and now i'm still wishing, a little, that it did end there. (or after moon.)
Lots of good images here Andie! I think I agree with Kerry and in that the last line can go; it strengthens the title, and in fact makes it a bit ironic in a way.
Also a bit of tightening in the second stanza (esp. first line). My only real quibble, though I love the image, is the first line of the first stanza, the streets as wipers? Not sure I quite was following the image, but I went with it, because it grabbed me.
2 comments:
love this -- the way you've captured the silence, futility. I actually almost missed the last line and thought how strong the ending was (at boat) and now i'm still wishing, a little, that it did end there. (or after moon.)
Lots of good images here Andie! I think I agree with Kerry and in that the last line can go; it strengthens the title, and in fact makes it a bit ironic in a way.
Also a bit of tightening in the second stanza (esp. first line). My only real quibble, though I love the image, is the first line of the first stanza, the streets as wipers? Not sure I quite was following the image, but I went with it, because it grabbed me.
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