First Hallowe'en, age five. My mother and aunt
conferred: would I even say Trick or Treat?
So I went, escorted, around town,
cardboard sign hung round my neck.
*
Grade four: girls in the washroom,
always the same three, filled the cramped passage
between doorway and stalls
with their hair-brushing and gossip.
A few mumbled words required to get past:
'scuse me. c'n I get through.
That, or the deft use of elbows.
Entering unnoticed is out of the question.
*
In grade nine these things are impossible:
Saying actually my name's not Joan,
making eye contact,
calling out Fresher! in a game of Prisoner's Base,
calling people by name,
saying yeah, so? you're ugly too.
5 comments:
Hey Joanne, did you know there's an anthology on shyness in the works? If you're interested, I'll get you the editor's email address.
In the first stanza, I'd really like to get a few more details. What was your costume? Did you letter the sign yourself? Were you happy or unhappy with these circumstances? (I couldn't quite tell...)
In the second stanza, I want to know how the girls regard our narrator. Do they get out of the way when asked? Do they pick on the narrator?
I like all the impossible dialogue in the third stanza, esp. when combined with impossible acts and situations.
I like it because we get a glimmer of how the narrator is feeling about her shyness, about her peers and their behaviour towards her.
Such a sense of authenticity :-) Truly enjoyed reading.
Too shy to comment.
(That first stanza, aw, that has to have really happened, it's too great to be made up. I kinda wanted to know who did the escorting, but that was all.)
I like the way you preface stanza three and then provide a list. Maybe you could use something like that as a parallel construct for opening stanzas 1 & 2, even if followed by a scenario, not a list.
The final stanza falls flat to me. I want an image or a detail I can hold on to--like the sign in the first one or the bathroom stalls in the second. Can you place the reader? And perhaps have a connection to the first stanza--the concept of mask/costume, perhaps?
Are the girls in the washroom older girls or the same age? I automatically picture teenaged girls in bathroom scenes like this.
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