Every year it gets harder
to lose weight.
Where once her body let pounds fall
like leaves from a tree,
like burdensome bundles
from tired arms on arriving home,
now her skin clings to each oily cell,
anxious, defensive, traumatized
from the endless barrage of changes
that have made up this life.
Having just barely survived one too many fights
where she was outweighted,
the body refuses to be at disadvantage again.
As if holding this weight
is the only way to preserve who she is,
keep some part of her intact,
create a region of stability,
begin her secret campaign to ensure
nothing else will ever be lost again.
4 comments:
ha! great subject!!
I think one metaphor is enough and I like the burdensome bundles best. I think you could drop words too e.g. 'Barely surviving one too many fights...'
love how 'skin clings to each cell...'
I think the 1st person might make it stronger... this is fabulous... thank you for the treat!
I really liked this, great topic, but couldn't relate to the opening line of the second stanza, about losing weight as easily as leaves. :P (Not only b/c my body never did that, but I think b/c leaves are so lightweight in the first place...so I echo the above)
Also agreed that first person, even if it's not about you (it's about me, let's be honest...) would make it even less removed.
Yes that line I'd pare down too, even to "One too many fights where she was outweighted, the body..." or something like that...in the following line you cd maybe drop one to make the others stronger, maybe "keep some part of her intact" as it's much the same as preserve who she is. Region of stability and secret campaign are so good..."nothing else will ever be lost again" yussss.
I like what one of my aunts once said, that it was her...portable insulation or something. She had a great phrase anyway, and explained that it gave her a sense of grounding or it was like the comfort blankets they wrap around trauma survivors? Yeh, comfort & insularness.
Anyway great exploration thanks for this!
I Love the idea here, Polly. The known, 'stability' found in one's weight. And it comes together real well in the final stanza, becomes stronger and clearer.
I think the 2nd 'like' is not needed. I would prefer to feel/see 'each fatty cell', put it out there & make sure we're not talkin' pimples ;) I also think the poem can be a bit tighter.
Still, I'm feeling a change in your poetry this year - a wonderful tangibility to your words - and loving it! Keep 'em coming..
Yeah. Really good ending.
I would also pare down the line "the body refuses to be at disadvantage again." The idea's important, and it would be even stronger if it were stated in a more compact, concentrated way.
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