Being soft for you
is hard for me
yet you say
giving in
is not the levee cracking
but a chance to build
my body
braced to fight,
shudders,
threatens to crumble
under your lightest touch
if you break me,
you promise,
it will be
like a wild horse
not a fragile vase
and what feels like
pitiful weakness
is my greatest strength
4 comments:
Interesting play of opposites. At the end I was left wondering: which is it, really?
The lines "threatens to crumble/under your lightest touch" feel like they need condensing a bit. Otherwise it's fairly tight already.
I love the soft/hard and horse/vase. I wonder if the last stanza could be equally sensory?
I like the double meanings of the first line and wonder if you can find a way to echo that in the ending line.
right now "pitiful weakness" vs "greatest strength" is not packing the punch I want...the adjectives are doing the opposite of ramping it up?
I love the wild horse vs fragile vase
:) merci
Post a Comment