M.,
I pity those poor tourists. You were so drunk last night. I hardly understood. a word. bad connection.
J. emailed. he's coming home. said you signed up to stay on (I knew you would). so you think a few weeks getting faced in Greece is going to scorch grief, get you ready for the 2nd period or is it number 3. Canada vrs. the Taliban.
and me? her? your kids?
another six months. t.v., radio, internet, papers, magazines. makes me want to join a news nunnery. every time they say, “withholding the name until next of kin” something shuts down.
keep busy, you said. mister overtime. mister I can juggle it all. mister armyfatherhusbandlover
but I do. work. write. dance. friends. family. everything (except the best. you).
and take a number, you said. because everyone's always mad at you (but I refuse)
and sometimes I think it’s run out.
but I know it hasn't. because cold keystrokes read at midnight. the buzz of my mobile. the dumbass smiley faces & emoticons you txt. the secret smile every single time there's anything. from you, even drunk. (oh and the surprising softness of your skin still on my lips). they all add up.
and I know I'm signed on for another six months
S
2 comments:
I'm really enjoying how the story is building, but this one just doesn't feel as tight to me as the others. That said, I'm not sure what (if anything) doesn't belong. But...just to play a bit... what about cutting out some or all of the section between "(I knew you would)." and "keep busy, you said" ??? Just a thought. Also, maybe some tightening up here and there... for example: "but I do." instead of "but i do keep busy." also, I'd end with "they all add up." Of course, of course, these are just ideas.
thanks kerry, it's the proverbial, don't want to kill your most precious (lines/words) and probably should... I trimmed a little... I am bashing this stuff out without a 2nd glance so this 24 hr. rule is great! esp. with such good comments.
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