saucer-sized flowers on fuchsia crepe
Danish design, size 5 (European)
I threw it on, over black leggings
buttoned up a black cardigan
wrapped an apron around my waist
grabbed rubber gloves, scrubbed
walls, a floor, a freezer door
my girl smiled, "I love that dress
it makes you look like my mom
not the poet that went to war"
this took me aback,
I'm several sizes smaller now
than when I used to wear that dress
no longer a depressed housewife,
no longer fat, waiting for someone
to come home, to tell me of the world
outside my closet door.
3 comments:
'not the poet that went to war' tore at my heart strings..there is so much in that statement, which is why I felt I needed a pause before what comes next. Otherwise it feels more important to the narrator to point out a slimmer body, a stronger life, and leaves the girl a bit abandoned and still tugging at me. Does that make sense?
I love the ending, 'to tell me of the world/outside my closet door.' Brilliant.
poet that went to war was also the million dollar line for me
bringing the closet to the beginning and end "frames" it nicely :)
maybe a line break; maybe "this took me aback" not necessary or could be showed, not told - by pausing the frenetic energy of the scrubbings?
really like this
Hey S!
I like where you're going with this piece and the details--I didn't mind the form of the poem, to me it was like slipping on the dress, but I wanted more of the inside/outside here. More of the change (and more details about the "world").
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