The neighbour's first impulse was to bag and bury
the fresh corpse, his wife
talked him out of it, she said in a hushed
whisper. "We've been waiting all day
for you to notice."
My son's first impulse when he noticed
our pet cat lying on the lawn
was to hide it from his father
(who had just dropped by to pick up
a birthday girl.)
The birthday girl's first impulse when she heard the news
was to cancel the visit, but
not explain why.
The driver's first impulse, after the brakes
didn't prevent the sick and sudden thump below,
was to speed away into the night, anonymously.
The cat's first impulse when it was struck by a car
was to come as close to home as she could.
Her shadow slinking away sideways with the sunrise,
hiding rigor mortis truth from sun's first rays
as ineffectively as dawn hides from day.
3 comments:
I like the listing and contrasting of reactions, but is there a way to avoid using the exact phrase "first impulse" four times?
I think it might be stronger to keep the identity of the corpse a mystery longer into the poem - let the cat reveal herself. Think you could also leave out "when it was struck by a car."
I found the mention of a birthday girl distracting - was more interested in why the son (and daughter?) did not want the father to know - can you offer another hint at this part of the mystery/history?
Finally, wasn't clear, is the neighbour's wife talking to the neighbour or to one of the family members?
Thanks Polly. Helpful areas to work on.
Does this treat time consistenly-- going backwards? I wasn't sure, they don't all seem to be related the same way in time? Or maybe I just need to read it a few more times.
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