Chestnuts bloom pink and white, candy-stripers
outside the old folks home. It’s talent night;
some cheery voice sings despite the shabby chairs
and poor attendance. Walkers and wheelchairs
count the parts replaced, clock
the warranty on what’s left
while I slow-shuffle the block,
pause outside the iron-wrought to listen.
Almost thirty and another hour lost
to the piston of negative self-talk.
I don’t look at people as they pass.
The piano is all raised eyebrows, high notes.
In the courtyard, some fool’s planted tomatoes
certain the danger of frost has passed.
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Okay, a late night post, but here it is. I'm off to the island for the long weekend; I'll be without internet access till Tuesday. I look forward to reading your weekend posts then. Thanks so much for the encouragement this week. It was a struggle sometimes.
3 comments:
Mmmm...very vivid.
I like so many incidental things about the poem - the comparison of chestnut flowers to candy-stripers in the 1st, the neatness of walkers and wheelchairs ending the line in the 2nd, your use of machine jargon in the 5th, the personification of the piano in the 6th and the very organic very domestic image in the 7th that brings in the season so effectively and takes us back to the opening stanza.
The only thing is 'iron-wrought.' I can't tell if its deliberate or a late-night typo...and it's like biting down on foil in that it's giving me the strangest kind of discomfort.
Have a good weekend...I'm hoping for a good one myself, even though I have no camping/travelling plans. Does moving from my bed to the couch and back count?
I love the details in this poem. I agree with Ariel about the iron-wrought. I think I understand why, but because it is commonly used as wrought-iron, it stops me.
Some small suggestions for you: I wanted to see some of the 'the''s gone, for a more universal implication before "the shabby chairs", "the parts", and " the iron-wrought".
Thanks for the comments. Yes wrought-iron. Three am slip-up. And I like the suggestion to chop "the's". I'm playing around with a different way of making a poem, a more loose association than usual, so I appreciate the comments. Hope you both had a great long weekend.
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