I agree with all the comments so far on this one. I think the title could be changed so as not to take away from your last line. I think 'just' in the first line could be replaced. And, I really like this piece that deals with the basic bodily needs connected to boxing - very nice!
5 comments:
I liked this a lot!
Very micro but tight and complete.
Hunger can be so many things...
Less was definitely more - I like your longer pieces too but way to mix them up. (hooks jabs and sucker punches, a bit of footwork...)
I'd take out the commas. Is that wierd of me? this is from someone who is HORRRRRRRibly inconsistent with punctuation heh.
For some reason, the repetition of hunger in the title and the last line doesn't work for me...
Maybe work the bread image in the last line rather than the boxing image?
how about the hunger for punching?
you could lose the first word, "just"
but all of this is so good, such an entree into a world of which I know absolutely nothing... well done
I agree with all the comments so far on this one. I think the title could be changed so as not to take away from your last line. I think 'just' in the first line could be replaced. And, I really like this piece that deals with the basic bodily needs connected to boxing - very nice!
Title: Appetite For Destruction?
Heh, okay, maybe just appetite or something along that line...
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