quiet
stunned hush
of a hundred people
unsure of women
in the ring
silent and squeamish
as if watching
a chess match,
surgery, still life
hanging in a gallery
they called for blood
last fight, now fidget
between quiet sips
of beer, wince
at every scoring fist
5 comments:
kerry,
the last stanza is dynamite. i wonder about starting with it? then give us the reveal of women in the ring.
there is so much power in the last stanza, i wonder if the comparisons to surgery, still life, etc are needed.
maybe push on the women in the ring a bit more. what is it about women fighting that makes us squeamish?
thanks Bren -- great idea!
I think I agree with Bren... start with
they called for blood/last fight...
and finish with
stunned, hush
a hundred people
watching women
in the ring
I think the unsure isn't needed...
boy these are great
I think you could omit the word "squeamish" since it's shown so well elsewhere.
Yeah, the last stanza is great.
yeh this was great, so true & told well
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