Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Delusional Parasitosis

Doubt covers the skin.
And yet not doubt, yet as sure as spring.
A new creepiness: one, two, three
thousand little doubts and frustrations crept up
from the past, and descended finally in a Biblical deluge.
An innocent box of matzoh, seal broken, a conduit
for decades of unscratched itches.
One plague, two plagues, three plagues times the number of fingers, etc.
But the worst plague of all descends alone, on only one,
the worst plague is invisible and improbable,
tingling skin static humming: ignore ignore ignore ignore ignore.

3 comments:

m said...

Love the opening line. Perfect.

The fourth line feels a little pedestrian compared to what came prior, and has a repetition (doubt, creep) that doesn't work in the way some of you other repetitions do.

I like the impulse behind the last three lines, but I feel like they could be tightened. Not sure you need "on only one, /the worst plague is" and I am not yet convinced that the five "ignores" at the end are needed. Feels like too much.

But I do quite like this one!

andie said...

nice premise and strong start

Is the double yet on line 2 deliberate? I'm okay with it.

I really like "innocent box of matzoh, seal broken" that's very loaded imagery

Maybe rule of 3's for the ignore, M's suggestion on tightening scans well.

(I wondered, though, whether that obscures what I thought might be the meaning in that section, the possible allusion to a curse for the firstborn only? But that's a vague hunch. If so maybe you could just redirect that? B/c I like it a lot.)

kerryan said...

I'm quite intrigued by this, being an accomplished doubter myself! I do have a quibble with the inclusion of "frustrations" in the third line. I think this weakens the all-consuming power of doubt!

I agree that five feels like too many ignores. Also, I wonder if there's a way to take out one or two mention of plagues...