Hooray, hooray, the First of May! Has it really been 8 years? Happy to be here, hoping to post a few poems a week, and looking so much forward to reading everyone else's posts! Transitioning between jobs, and still, ever, transitioning in general, so will be good to have this creative magnet calling to me...
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Misterious
Even in the city
there are mysteries
Fog over the lake this morning
makes it seem more than ever
like there is no other side,
that this is all there is:
my building,
the one next door,
a row of trees,
green branches
that blur at the edges,
then infinite pale blue space
cut with vague shapes
of what is yet to be revealed.
5 comments:
yeah! K... here goes
how about starting without Even
In the city, even there, are mysteries... more musical, more intriguing.
then take out more words to "mystery up" the piece...
e.g., seem, that, then, with, yet
nice!
Good to see you Polly!
I like the suggestions so far, something to make it more "foggy" and mysterious. Disappear some words.
(the, then, etc)
Welcome chère! So glad you're here..
This is different for you. I liked it very much. I stumbled at 'space', felt you could have stopped at pale blue/vague shapes yet to be revealed.
It would be interesting to play up the feeling of isolation, that 'there is no other side.' The phrase 'more than ever' is intriguing: is there some underlying sense of distance or isolation being hinted at here?
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