Title tba
“Your body is the
place your memory calls home”
Deepak Chopra
Deepak Chopra
divergent lives meet at the border
Bogart’s on the edge, where North End meets downtown
Winnipeg’s Studio 54, an old bank building
where deserters of their lives cross over
meet on the dance floor
Tuxedo boys, rich looking to drown out the voices of
obligation
needed the drugs that the arsonist and the boxer provided
Portage and Main an intersection where need meets want
and amid the inner rubble, the marble pillars
we are all playing a transactional game where everyone is
trying to trade up
in his tower the DJ - a demi-god of nightly worship
takes us into trance dance
encoded in our bodies a collective history
of days when we hung mirrors on trees
where pain and pleasure reflected visceral truths
we are all crows
like shiny things
the mirror ball spinning light offers flickering fractures
but never invites reflection
heavy with memory my body finds wordless ways
to stir cellular recall
my turtle mind slow steady
walks me to the dance floor
where my snake body dances me
I am in a moving sea of sound
within the beginning of time
an Elemental dreaming
Born of Water
inside the oracle divines my salvation
but I am still suspicious of my body’s story
leave a trail of marooned memories frozen fragments
parts of me are scattered on the altar of one night stands
once home haunted by my losses, I weep water meets wood
as I lay on the hardwood floor, contemplate the collective
curse in our genes
a shame carrier I
am doomed to wander
I am a “vortex of empty space”, where
my bitterness and brooding calls out to the Hag
our dark truths passed between us like a smoldering joint
shared suffering never articulated leaves residues on my
skin
causes an itch that cannot be scratched
I am a curious contradiction like the ‘sun and its shadow’
trying to forget my own fragility
suspended between two worlds
I exist between night and day where ‘salt becomes wisdom’
and at the end of my bed a pack of black dogs
on my lips a thickening scar tastes of a toxic soup,
a fog and within it a spell cast over the victims
we carry our shame to the dance floor
the crimes of our ancestors a collective illness
their ‘original sin’ follows us to the after hour clubs
this time rich boys and bikers occasionally an allergic reaction
earthbound alchemists we all learned that the rising of
smoke cannot be hastened
that sometimes ‘passions are their own punishment’
~ Jonina Kirton
6 comments:
Welcome Jonita and congrats on the upcoming book!
I like the juxtaposition of rubble and marble (both for meaning and sound), the images of the turtle mind (maybe don't need to say it's slow), snake body, altar, truth passed like a joint, lips a thickening scar.
"Marooned memories frozen fragments" - alliteration feels a bit heavy. "Never articulated" sounds analytical - takes me out of the imagery.
What about ending on "cannot be hastened" so the picture of the smoke lingers in the reader's mind?
Thank you Angeline... re alliteration. Do you mean having the two in row? Now that you point this out I wonder if "marooned memories" is enough and the frozen fragment is overkill.
I will sit with your suggestion for the ending. I have not been completely satisfied with it as it currently sits.
Yes, I was wondering about having two in a row. Between the two, I lean toward the frozen fragments. Sitting with ideas is good. Everything here is just suggestion. Take what resonates, and leave the rest!
So happy to see you Jo! Look, those young people have no material to write about!!! No such thing as a late bloomer. Just bloomers.
Loved reading this piece. Brings you right into the world.
I like the double play on "reflection…"
A verb I would like to change is "stir" but I'm not sure to what. "Sea of sound" and "beginning of time" don't hold up to the strength of "elemental dreaming" or the other phrases you've been using.
I think, likewise, you could drop "parts of me" and just have frozen fragments? I love the sentiment of that along with "scattered on the altar of one night stands"
I like the idea "shared suffering leaves residues on my skin" and the abstractions or tells not shows like "curious contradiction" and "trying to forget my own fragility" are the lines that take away the mystique and mood from the really lovely and evocative imagery you are using. I love salt becomes wisdom and the pack of black dogs at the end of your bed…the ending for me really works too, it's just paring down what you don't want within to make it move from strength to strength. Sometimes in my poems I have had what someone described as "on ramps or off ramps " at the beginning or end but I don't see that, at least not in this piece!
Thanks for sharing!!! I look forward to seeing your new work, and don't worry about it…just let whatever is there come, it is more the muscle of repetition and the joy of community than anything, plus the fresh sharp eyes of everyone on here while being encouraging but also pointing out what "new moms" can't always see (haha pick me) and I love that part…it's very rewarding to see a brand new poem have fresh editing suggestions rather than waiting until the afterglow has faded off my own eyes :)
Sorry for the lengthy reply, it is a welcome as well!
I like the border imagery in the first stanza (I vaguely remember Bogart's, by the way), and the crows, and I'd add a "me too" about lines like "suffering...leaves residues on my skin" and "salt becomes wisdom."
You've got several phrases in quotation marks- are these actually quoting someone? The quotation marks have a bit of a distancing effect and I wondered if you really needed them.
The line about smoke might be a good one to end on... if you want to keep the existing last line, you could move it up to just before "that the rising of smoke..." -- maybe?
welcome! I too am a late bloomer who was told to take my work seriously when I attended the Banff Writers Studio in 2006! and yes, it's been one hell of a ride.
this is a very interesting piece of work. there is so much here I'd like it to be broken down into smaller sections. but maybe that's because I'm going "miniature" at the moment!
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