It rains on the roof: shingles, tar paper,
particle board, rafter. Bulbs of water,
brief at the slat: swell, gloss,
drop the second time since
cloud-like, unbecoming, they climbed
on hot elevating air to be made visible
in marriage to dust: to drift in threads, wisps,
bulbous happy pilings
from one point in time, to the next.
The front is always coming: press, temper,
rove the undulations of landscape:
form of droplet out of nimbus form.
It rains from the roof: gravity,
points of separation to ease through.
Drinkers: wood floor, damp air, surface dust.
5 comments:
I think this is my favourite Arlington House poem so far, or close to.
Loved something in almost every line - the only one that seemed substandard was "from one point in time, to the next". I think you could scratch it out or else make it sparklier.
i agree with the above. definitely my favorite arlington poem thus far!
hmmm. I agree with your suggestion to x the line "from one...next"
thank you both for your careful reading! I've been without internet at home this month which is making it hard to spend the time necessary to comment much on everyone else's work. I appreciate you taking the time and hope I can catch up soon!
I like this one quite a lot. I can hear the dripping water! - something about the pattern of stressed syllables that does it, I think.
My one quibble -and this is a tentative one- is that the three lines starting with 'cloud-like' feel just a bit wordy compared to the rest. Not quite as rhythmic as the rest.
yes. I think you're right. it's the rhythm of stress that makes this piece. I will take your suggestion and fiddle with those wordy lines. I like all those words quite a lot, but perhaps they need tweaking in order to fit the poem.
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