Goose-necked,
you hum & sigh, proselytize
but you know your limits
You will only go
so far
share so much.
You are tethered to your altar,
hungry, but you primly
only take what
you need. You are heavy
with brittle light. The word.
But you are also quite fond
of the letter. The law.
Broody, you have your minders
who name and number you,
who heft and carry you.
Your eye blinks slowly
but you are all alert glare
even as you let more
and more of your acolytes
in on the secret.
8 comments:
I immediately saw what you meant about the goose when I read the title. But where is the goose in the poem? Isn't it all overhead projector? Or am I missing the goosiness?
Mmm. I suppose not, but an overhead projector on a table really reminded me of the nesting geese I've been seeing everywhere.
And I thought goose-necked and broody and the light-bulb-as-egg were enough references.
Mmph. I hate how first drafts are either ham-fisted or too completely subtle...
Yesssss! i always think of a canada goose when i see an overhead projector. man, i feel so much less weird now...sort of...
Yes, you do have those details -- I guess I was hoping for it to behave a bit goosier, not just resemble a goose.
Considered it a while: really like the idea of it but the title does give it all away while setting up expectations...
What if you took "as Canada Goose" out of the title and put it somewhere else, the first or last line maybe?
I like this poem, though struggle a bit with it. It seems like there is more you want to say through this image, which is giving it a weightiness at times:
"tethered to your alter"
"heavy with brittle light"
"broody"
yet we're looking at a projector and thinking of a goose... pretty light-hearted.
I would suggest evening out the tone a bit and maybe taking out the 3rd stanza completely and moving the 1st and 2nd stanzas to the end so it starts with the "heavy" and ends with the "hum & sigh".
You are heavy
with brittle light. The word.
But you are also quite fond
of the letter. The law.
Broody, you have your minders
who name and number you,
who heft and carry you.
Your eye blinks slowly
but you are all alert glare
even as you let more
and more of your acolytes
in on the secret.
Goose-necked,
you hum & sigh, proselytize
but you know your limits
You will only go
so far
share so much.
While I love the title, I agree with Andie about taking the goose out of the title, and agree with K.I. about building the goose analogy more in the poem.
Right now the comparison is there, but there are a lot of other details about secrets, only sharing so much. I'm not sure where the focus is. Perhaps the analogy only can go so far and then there are other things you want to say about the overhead projector.
I like the "minders who name and number you" (I'm seeing high school equipment you have to sign out.)
I can't say I've ever thought about a projector this way, but now, how can I not?
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