their love is cautious, is conditional
that belongs to saints
hiding behind religion
............they shield their tainted hearts
............and say They know God, because.
the girl is condemned for sins not hers
marked in the name of a merciless god
who loves them...................but not her
4 comments:
i have two critiques of this poem. first, im not sure about the phrase "is conditional/that belongs," something clunks there grammatically. second, you capitalize God in the first stanza but it's lower case in the second. is this intentional? (if it is intentional, i think it makes sense.) otherwise you convey they tension between "the girl" and the others ("they") very well in such short space!
so much in only 8 short lines.
hm yeh I'd agree with Rebecca's first point, grammatical clarity to either say "their love is cautious, conditional, belongs to saints"
or "their love is cautious, is conditional, is that which belongs to saints"
(it's a strong sentiment) I like how you end on the word "because"
also like the cap of "They know God" and then no caps, it struck me as intentional and revealing. subtly though!
Thanks for your comments girls! I always appreciate it & take it in.. and yes, my choices are always intentional..
marjo
"Condemned for sins not hers" !!
For Good French Canadians Catholic,
this is a Fatality of Life on Earth.
Really like the way you set the
Confessional ambiguity she is living!
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