Does "ex" indicate they've already broken up? Or is this foreshadowing? I wonder if it gives away the ending too early?
I'm not sure what it means for his attire to be "rated" or "counter-feit," but I really like the way "counter-feit" becomes "fit to be tied" and "hair teased and cut" becomes "cut out of her share."
Not sure how a trip can be marked with a price or be to his credit. The money and tire metaphors throughout work, but maybe they don't need to work so hard.
Do we go back in time? First they're parking and jacking up the car, then the screech and the tire is punctured when they're already on the roadside.
The repeated sounds work well: rated/wait/being/berated, attire/entirely, tied/tired, hair/share, bobbles/balloon, screeches/bleeding.
Her bleeding heart feels more sentimental than the rest of the poem, which is more restrained.
I really like how this looks across the page. Wish my brain worked this way!
I meant to add something here, but I'm going to end up mainly saying yes to what Angeline's just said: the repeated sounds work really well, and the line breaks that open up possible double meanings.
I, too, wondered about the ending; "exploits" doesn't quite seem warranted somehow.
3 comments:
Does "ex" indicate they've already broken up? Or is this foreshadowing? I wonder if it gives away the ending too early?
I'm not sure what it means for his attire to be "rated" or "counter-feit," but I really like the way "counter-feit" becomes "fit to be tied" and "hair teased and cut" becomes "cut out of her share."
Not sure how a trip can be marked with a price or be to his credit. The money and tire metaphors throughout work, but maybe they don't need to work so hard.
Do we go back in time? First they're parking and jacking up the car, then the screech and the tire is punctured when they're already on the roadside.
The repeated sounds work well: rated/wait/being/berated, attire/entirely, tied/tired, hair/share, bobbles/balloon, screeches/bleeding.
Her bleeding heart feels more sentimental than the rest of the poem, which is more restrained.
I really like how this looks across the page. Wish my brain worked this way!
I meant to add something here, but I'm going to end up mainly saying yes to what Angeline's just said: the repeated sounds work really well, and the line breaks that open up possible double meanings.
I, too, wondered about the ending; "exploits" doesn't quite seem warranted somehow.
I have nothing new to add to the comments... other than to say I enjoyed this piece very much.
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