bird chipping away like a car alarm.
summer sun diluted by winter wind.
an abandoned nest at knee-height
empty as your promise. the shed
is falling-down drunk in broad
daylight. narrow daylight,too
and the fence you built sags
and wobbles along the beds
you cheated me of by not
measuring twice cutting
once. wandering eyes
never gauge so well
the distance. the
law of diminish
ing returns,it
insists I end
without say
ing how I
really
truly
feel
-
.
3 comments:
a nice unexpected reversal: comparing nature to technology instead of the other way around.
The nest empty as your promise - wow. My mind wants to stay there.
The shed falling down drunk during the day - gives the building the personality of the one who should have been maintaining it - works well.
The beds you've cheated me of - at first my mind goes to someone who's been cheating in bed, even though the explanation is that these were beds that were never completed by a poor carpenter. I think that's intentional, given the line about wandering eyes.
The visual (line lengths) really adds. Can't think of anything I'd change, except adding a space between daylight and too.
Great line about the bird.
The "infinity" in the title seems contradicted, or at least called into question, by the way the shape of the poem narrows to almost nothing at the end, and I think that works well.
The wording of "never gauge so well/ the distance" feels a bit stilted, but (as with your Godiva poem) I'm not sure how to change it without spoiling the shape.
delightful piece... really enjoyed how the shape reflected the feeling. so many wonderful lines as others have pointed out.
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