A very powerful poem Ange; especially knowing the details from which this poem blossoms. Especially powerful to me was the "young woman's open arms in the gravel" and of course "Mother's head resting on the dash" and the blooming sheets. Well written.
The poem itself is sparse which best serves the material.
I don't like "lusted" as a verb in this context, small quibble.
Also not sure where the stranger comes in, I think it's the verb steering + your shoulders away from front wheel that gets me confused (steering a car? etc.)
The way the front and the last line make a tragic circle is well constructed.
The title put me off as well. I wasn't prepared for the content, and when I went back to it, it still didn't make sense to me. Did a hubcap falling off cause this accident? It seems like many things did…
The wheel coming off the other car caused the accident. The fact that the bolts were still in the hubcap and not stripped means they weren't even screwed on. It seemed important to me, but maybe it isn't to the poem. Is it clear that steering the shoulders means walking him away from the scene? I could change stranger to "officer" but I thought stranger was more evocative.
5 comments:
Wow... what can I say. So succinct and yet so powerful! The last line especially powerful, that image of the mother, the sheets and the colour red.
A very powerful poem Ange; especially knowing the details from which this poem blossoms. Especially powerful to me was the "young woman's open arms in the gravel" and of course "Mother's head resting on the dash" and the blooming sheets. Well written.
I don't get the significance of the bolts in the hubcap... did that play a part in the accident somehow?
But yes, this is powerful, I think because it is so succinct. There is enough information so the reader can fill in the gaps, but not too much.
The poem itself is sparse which best serves the material.
I don't like "lusted" as a verb in this context, small quibble.
Also not sure where the stranger comes in, I think it's the verb steering + your shoulders away from front wheel that gets me confused (steering a car? etc.)
The way the front and the last line make a tragic circle is well constructed.
The title put me off as well. I wasn't prepared for the content, and when I went back to it, it still didn't make sense to me. Did a hubcap falling off cause this accident? It seems like many things did…
The wheel coming off the other car caused the accident. The fact that the bolts were still in the hubcap and not stripped means they weren't even screwed on. It seemed important to me, but maybe it isn't to the poem.
Is it clear that steering the shoulders means walking him away from the scene? I could change stranger to "officer" but I thought stranger was more evocative.
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