today I was imagining these if blogger typography allowed them to bend in circles so there was an arch of the first line and a dip downwards of the bottom, and the centre did a pattern.
there's the OCD in me…combined with the limits of technology. loving the play & sensory detail…the first line is my favourite
I'm not sure about the three abstract words in a row at the end (soft, clean, brilliance). Maybe it works, though. I do love the vision of purple in the first line.
I really like the cleanness of this piece and wonder if "so soft" works. Perhaps it is enough to say "soft, clean, brilliance." which would make it even tighter. I can live with the fact that those words are abstract in this case as together they paint a picture, a feeling for me when they follow the first line.
I must confess to everyone that although I am a graduate of the SFU Writers Studio I am not schooled in all the different poetry styles. I tend to write free verse so if my feedback seems to miss some other requirement that a particular style would ask for please forgive me....
4 comments:
today I was imagining these if blogger typography allowed them to bend in circles so there was an arch of the first line and a dip downwards of the bottom, and the centre did a pattern.
there's the OCD in me…combined with the limits of technology. loving the play & sensory detail…the first line is my favourite
I'm not sure about the three abstract words in a row at the end (soft, clean, brilliance). Maybe it works, though. I do love the vision of purple in the first line.
I like the molten violets too.
I really like the cleanness of this piece and wonder if "so soft" works. Perhaps it is enough to say "soft, clean, brilliance." which would make it even tighter. I can live with the fact that those words are abstract in this case as together they paint a picture, a feeling for me when they follow the first line.
I must confess to everyone that although I am a graduate of the SFU Writers Studio I am not schooled in all the different poetry styles. I tend to write free verse so if my feedback seems to miss some other requirement that a particular style would ask for please forgive me....
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