Like rabbits
what goes on in the dark of the cupboard above
where the pinhead mealymouthed hooks grasp not so tenderly
the handles—
Like cats too—
I may throw them like abused children at charitable authorities
but here they roll back again from every single goddamn
flea market, thankyou bag, flannelpajama promotional effortium,
sad symposium and unfortunate fundrive.
Covered with—
cartoon birds, disused regional flags,
best dads and overthehill mamas,
disappearing Captain Kirks,
lead leaves,
handpainted periwinkles.
Engorged with coffee crud and battered
tea leaves, with the same prognostication every time:
I will be in my cups
and cannot be rid of them
without loosing my place.
5 comments:
There's so much I enjoy about this piece that it's hard to provide you with critique..it's nice and tight, the flow of it, wonderful. The only time I tripped was over 'prognostication'/it stopped my rhythm of reading (?).
Very nice!
you could use "prediction" i suppose
i like this, what a universal and domestic theme
i only have one quibble, "engorged" doesn't seem quite right for me. maybe inflicted or etched or something? engorged makes me think of nursing issues...(wrong cups)
Fun! I especially like the detail and pacing of the fourth stanza the best -- the "thankyou bag, flanelpajama..." and the "sad symposium and unfortunate fundrive" And the "Like cats too --" the way that thought is interjects right there.
I'm not sure I get how a hook can be mealymouthed, though.
Also, I wonder if the last stanza could be trimmed a bit (eg, leave off the "Covered with --") and maybe one or two of the descriptions...? Also, loosing or losing?
I agree. The last stanza could be tightened up. My attention dropped out on the first reading, and on second reading, I think it is because the last bit doesn't share the spare quality of the first 2 bits.
Thanks guys! I'm really hammering this stuff out so it clearly needs some work. Mealymouthed was totally pulled out of my ass.
Engorged though... Maybe coffee grounds don't get engorged. Tea leaves do, don't they, though? Some kinds of tea especially. I have an oolong that expands to about 8 times its dry volume after use.
I often have no idea how to end things. I think many of us will have that complaint.
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