1.
A boy worth his salt, having stayed
for a last weary swim, finds
himself at the bottom
of the canal.
Having not omitted this rite
of passage, his wish for a meaty fist
to grip his collar and heave him
out is translucent
in its purity.
Our boy retches and gasps
obligingly on shore when fished
out, blue-cheeked, sodden.
(A part of him wishing now
that he could measure how much
water he is puking up.)
2.
A boy feeling his oats investigates the levers
and shafts of the grain elevator and tips
into the stuff.
Having memorized the dusty slip
of wheat filling every fold,
he squeaks for help.
Chastised, our boy coughs
chaff for a week.
3.
A boy feeling flush offers to hold
a skate strap in need of a trim
while a narrow-footed friend hefts
his father’s axe, the rusty head nodding
even as it begins its downward arc.
All the way home, he cradles
the hand like it was a runt, like it was a pet
he’d begged for and trod on in the middle
of the night.
Our boy’s whorls and ridges soak
into the door’s hungry grain where he hesitates
before going in.
The kerchief full of blood
and clots? A butcher’s rough parcel,
soon burned.
4.
A boy feeling fiesty strikes
flint in a neighbour’s loft just to hear
the tongues of fire speak.
A barrel of oats being a powderkeg,
his handiwork soon lights
fuses all through the barn.
He screams almost as loud as the fire did climbing
the walls when, as a warning, he is whipped
in the town square
a week later.
His mother, watching, flinches
as though it was her being lashed.
That
hurts
most.
7 comments:
mmyeh perfection i think.
i wasn't as grabbed by the first one as i was by the rest, don't know why.
I wonder if #2 could be fleshed out more? In #3 I thought you could lose "runt" and give me a specific pet.
The rest worked well I thought, though I wonder if you need the last three words.
Boys will be boys...
Wow, so many stunning images here. love the clarity of "our boy coughs/chaff for a week" and "A butcher’s rough parcel,/soon burned."
Not sure about the arrangement of the last stanza. I think I'd prefer to see it all on one line.
PS. I vote for runt.
Ariel,
I don't know what happenned to yesterday's comments - i messed up, somewhere..
Anyhow, the Edisonia pieces have interesting voices, but I especially love today's, and:
1. Very nice how you capture that the boy would want to measure his puke!
2. Last stanza is nice & tight & says what's necessary.
3. Oh, the beginning..you just KnOw what comes next but it's impossible not to hope for better, i.e. a very fast(and painful)read.
4. The whole read is perfect. Not sure about the line seperations in the last two stanzas though. I think I would prefer something a touch simpler.
Thanks for the read!
m
Ariel,
Enjoyed these. Measuring puke, butcher's parcel. Great.
I wonder about omitting the feelings from the first lines and saying "A boy investigates the levers", "A boy strikes flint"
wow Ariel, this is great... I'm just getting to read the earlier posts now that I'm home a few days...
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