Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Varieties of ice in spring

1.   Packed snow melted, white to translucent,

      frozen again. Lumpy, thick. Resists

ice pick and shovel.

 

2.   Edges of snowbanks under sun become granular,

loose. Clear beads, slick

with their own meltwater.

 

3.   On a deep puddle, transparent sheet floats,

rigid. Fingertip presses down,

pushes it under.

 

4.   This one gives a little, springs back. Sloshes the water beneath,

spurts it out from the edges. Bounces, bounces,

cracks, gives way.

 

5.   Half ice, half slush. Broken chunks

swim in a brown puddle.

 

6.   Thin skin of an air pocket, lace-edged, glass-brittle,

easily smashed underfoot. An early-morning type,

gone by midday.

 

7.   A mere sheen on the sidewalk.

Treacherous. But this, too,

will disappear by noon.

 

4 comments:

Ariel Gordon said...

Hey Joanne,

I like how this one moves. It's simultaneously a field guide, a meditation, and a matter-of-fact description.

I like how each is subtly different - the compound words in part 6, for instance.

I wonder what would happen if you made each one obviously different - each with its own predominant device or vowel/consonant sound...

Anyways, nice!

kerryan said...

I really like number 6 and 7 here. With some of the others, I'd like to see you try to name them more precisely, esp. #4.

bee said...

Joanne,

Great idea. Like the parts. I agree with both Ariel and Kerry about making each a specific ice, a few of the details overlap, ie both puddles. I like Ariel's suggestion of sound.
Fave is #5.

andie said...

Wonderful premise. Great comments.

Maybe keeping each one to two lines, as works so well in the most effective ones, might help?

Maybe each one could be tagged first with a descriptive name or word in italics?